The Funniest Tweets About Being Single

Something we all have in common is that we’ve all been single at one (or many) points in our lives. And yes, views are evolving, but being single is still stigmatized. Just think about it, how many times have you heard “When are you going to settle down and get married?” or “When are you going to make me a grandma?” But why should single life be a drag? Here we have single people who it and deal with it in the best possible way – with humor! Scroll down for the funniest self-deprecating tweets about being single that we could find!

Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.

new tinder idea: upload all my photos upside down so girls turn their phone to look at them, obviously realise am ugly and swipe left but of course that's now actually right bing bang boom match

9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.

Valentine's Day plan: 1. Breakfast in bed 2. Chocolates 3. Watch movie 4. Dinner for two. 5. Regret eating two dinners. 6. Cry alone.

If you regularly ask single women when they plan to get married, it's only fair to ask married couples when they plan to get divorced.

One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think

Can't wait for Valentines Day. I'm gonna run into as many restaurants as I can shouting

'You're beautiful and I love you,

him: your single? why? me: you're*

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.

[getting ready for a date] ROOMMATE: the key is to not seem too desperate ME: ok [later] DATE: i love this restaurant ME: haha i love u too

Normal people flirting: hey you’re cute we should go out sometime. Me trying to flirt: so do you like bread

The last time I was someone's type I was donating blood.

Your problem.

NETLFIX: Are you still watching? ME: No NETFLIX: Do you want it on in the background anyway to fill the deafening silence of your loneliness? ME: ...yeh

Dr: what are you using for birth control? Me: just who I am as a person

Single at 23: “I have to go out and meet someone!” Single at 29: “If it’s meant to be the right person will find me in my home.”

I choose my underwear for the day based on how likely I am to have sex. Today I'm wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway.

Me : why is everyone together & I’m single Also me : declines every date, takes 3-5 business days to reply & never smiles

being single is cool until you open a perfect avocado at breakfast and u have no one to show it to.

I workout the same way I date on bumble...I literally do nothing and pray for results. #stillwaiting

[at a loud bar] HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS? HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS

Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.

Relationship Status: Just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.

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The post The Funniest Tweets About Being Single first appeared on Sad and Useless Humor.


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