What You Should Accomplish by The Time You Turn 35

You are never too old to achieve greatness, but there are some things you just have to complete in time. Twitter users around the world have come together to enlighten you what everyone should accomplish before turning 35, and it hilariously describes what today’s average adult life is like.

By the time you turn 35, you're in a blood feud with either Lowes or Home Depot, and have sworn vengeance against a minimum of two major airlines.

by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags

By the age of 35, every woman should...

By age 35 you should have a chair in your bedroom used only for holding clothes that aren’t dirty enough for the laundry but that you’re too lazy to put away

By age 35, you should know that everybody is making it up as they go and nobody else has any fucking idea what they're doing.

By age 35 you should have started noticing uncomfortable similarities between you and your parents that you swore you would never be like

By age 35 you should have an entire cabinet filled with Tupperware containers. That don’t match. Just a bunch of random bottoms and tops that come cascading out on you every time you open the door.

By age 35 you should have at least 40 years experience for a junior entry level job.

By age 35 you should run into friends and say

By the age of 35 you should own, not rent, OWN a bouncy castle. This is a time when you should be building equity. The only way to beat inflation is with inflatables.

By age 35 you should have at least two thirds of your hard drive space taken up by recursively nested copies of the hard drives from all your previous computers

By age 35 you should have a huge library of video games but no time to play them.

By the age of 35 you should have at least 5 web browsers with over 100 tabs opened that you don't have any plan to actually read.

By age 35 you should have a collection of excuses for cancelling plans and a system in place for how to realistically rotate them.

By age 35, you should be a bitch, a lover, a child, a mother, a sinner, a saint, you must not be ashamed

By age 35 you should be surprised that other people think you have your shit together when really you're just holding onto the roller coaster for dear life with an excellent poker face.

By age 35, you should have lost most of your real life friends to misunderstandings, changing priorities, distance and unknown reasons and found a few hundred online strangers to laugh with.

by age 35 you should have either succumbed to OR overcome no fewer than three ancestral curses

By age 35 you should have more unfinished projects than it is feasible to complete in your remaining lifespan.

By age 35, you should be ready for bed. All the time. The earlier the better. In fact, just stay in bed the whole day.

By age 35, you should have a group of friends who talk herbalism, blood sacrifice, and cursing the moon. Not politics and pop culture.

By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones

The post What You Should Accomplish by The Time You Turn 35 first appeared on Sad and Useless Humor.


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